Interesting Trader Joe's Products / Solivagant

Solivagant- Marked by solitary wandering; rambling alone

Ex: A few years back Trader Joe’s announced that they would not be replacing any of their affectionately, yet stereotypically named foreign foods (i.e. Trader Ming’s General Tso’s Chicken), despite media backlash. After many, many solivagant expeditions through the Trader Joe’s aisles, I have come across a few such items that maybe might encourage Trader Joe’s to reconsider their stance:

Trader Uncle Tom’s Log Cabin Pumpernickel Sticks: The effort to keep young people informed about Uncle Tom’s Cabin and its role in the abolition movement—especially considering its removal from many school curriculums—is commendable, however the execution here is a little bit lacking. Why did it have to be pumpernickel sticks specifically?

Trader Habibi’s Haggled-for Magic Carpet Flatbreads: There is a lot to unpack here. Magic carpet flatbreads? This simultaneously manages to be both racist and ignorant, as it combines a whimsical prop from Disney’s idea of Arabia and a shameful American imitation of a food that actually exists in the Arab world—lavash/pita bread. Haggled-for? Haggling is common practice in the open-air markets of the Middle East, so I have no issue with that. It just clutters up the title, that’s all.

Trader Bing Bong’s Spicy Tokyo Fire Bomb Dip: Sheesh! How did this make it out of the boardroom and onto the grocery shelves? A wasabi-based dip that is so spicy it can only be affectionately named after a series of bombings deadlier than either of the atomic explosions that ended the Axis’ Pacific campaign.

Trader Juan’s Lawn Clippings and Corona Bathroom Spray: Did you just hold a gross dump in until you got home from your 12-hour landscaping shift because you didn’t want to go on site? Freshen up the air in your bathroom with this Mexican themed spray from Trader Juan’s! With a hint of lime, this zesty spray will keep things smelling, well… like a day in the life of a landscaper.

Stealer DaSquarious’ Shrimp n’ Grit Mix: Oh boy. You might have noticed that this one broke away from the pattern by changing the first word to something…distasteful. Christ almighty, if they don’t get cancelled for this, in 2024, in this current climate! If Aunt Jemima went down, DaSquarious has to be next.

Trader John Smith’s Vanilla Ass Vanilla Ice Cream: Trader Joe’s newest offering, some vanilla ice cream for your vanilla ass! Made from only the finest Madagascar vanilla beans, this ice cream is best enjoyed at a country club where the former product’s namesake would not be welcome.