Wipewitaleaf Pt. 2 / Aplomb

The Trip to Wipewitaleaf Pt. 2

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Aplomb- poise and self-assurance, especially in a demanding situation

The Wipewitaleaf staff were considerably ungroomed, wearing matching forest green t shirts with purple peace signs on the spine. They looked like nugs of strong chronic. The head of the nature center gave a quick address and run down of the center’s values to the Tikory Tokton students.

“Welcome, children, to your home for the next few days! Except unlike your homes back in the suburbs, there are no screens here. None at all!”

*audible groans*

“I think you’ll find the nature to be quite refreshing. In fact, you may find yourself opting to ditch your Playstations and Gayboys

*chuckles from the crowd*

excuse me, Gameboys altogether when you return home. We want everyone on this trip to feel comfortable. If you feel like an activity is too hard for you, or if you’d prefer not to participate in any of our wonderful outdoor events, just let me know, and I’ll pass you off to River and she’ll guide you through composting the leftovers from your meals throughout the weekend and turning them into manure to fertilize our mushroom patch. Alright, I’m gonna hand you off now to Meadow and she’ll give you a tour of the Wipewitaleaf grounds. Quickly, before you leave, put your hands in the middle and join me in chanting the Native Wipewitaleaf rallying cry, ‘Man of the forest, consumer of the caffeinated bean, he who forages without the paper of the toilet, must wipe with a leaf!’”

*Every student is left in stitches. This is the funniest thing they have ever heard*

“And remember, what happens at Wipewitaleaf stays at Wipewitaleaf. That goes for you too, emasculated cuckold stay-at-home dads! I’m just kidding, it’s 2024, it’s cool not to be the breadwinner, don’t ever let anyone tell you it’s not! While the wives are at work, the men will…jerk? No, that wasn’t it. It’s something like that. Whatever. Alright, see you all at dinner tonight!”

*The students get passed off to Meadow who shows them their Lincoln log style bunks where they’ll be staying. One bunk for the boys, one for the girls. They put their bags down in the bunks and are then led to the site of their first activity- woodland marksmanship practice*

Greeted by a man in a ghillie suit who introduced himself as Cobra, the students watched on as the shell-shocked Vietnam vet led a quick demonstration of how to wield the longbow. Cobra reared back and fired a feathered arrow into the center of a sandbag target 20 meters away.  One of the dad chaperones thought he heard Cobra mutter, “Taste my red, white, and blue nuts, Charlie” as he took the shot. Scanning the many youths fanned out in front of him sitting on cut segments of a fallen oak tree, Cobra searched for a student who could handle the bow with aplomb. Many of the less athletic, more timid pupils averted their gaze. Other kids in Minecraft t shirts raised their hands eagerly, yelling, “pick me! I want to do it!”. One child just sat there and stared back at Cobra, emotionless. It was Mirko. He was a stone-cold killer. One look into his icy blue eyes and Cobra knew it. He had been to war with men like Mirko. Men who mowed down entire villages and thought, ‘I wonder where I could get a good sandwich around here’ before rigor mortis had even set in. Cobra handed Mirko the bow and said, “Show em’ how it’s done, son”.