The Wipewitaleaf series will reach it’s conclusion later this week. For now, back to the vocab.
Vaunted- boasted about
Ex: Here I am, finally succumbing to the many requests for me to release my vaunted Cocktails of Summer 2024 list. In the spirit of Obama’s favorite songs of the year playlist, this list is so broad and all-encompassing that it’ll have you wondering if I’ve actually sampled all the drinks mentioned, or if I’m some type of shill for big booze that won’t sip anything stronger than an O’Doul’s. Without further ado, here are the drinks of the Summer.
The Joejito – Muddled mint. Sparkling mineral water. Lime juice. Simple syrup. The oldest rum you can possibly find. A few of these and you’ll be falling off a bicycle on your way to sniff a girl’s hair that lives down the block.
Donald T’s Twisted Tea – This is just tea, but you’re going to convince everyone it gets you really, really buzzed if you drink it. Add an orange peel twist as a garnish. The caffeine should be enough to keep you awake in a court of law.
The Chillary Blizzinton – A CBD infused seltzer. This is what your grandma is talking about when she says she’s down to get weird on board the weed train. Little does she know CBD has no psychoactive properties, and she’s still a Karen.
P. Diddle Minze – A peppermint liquor intended for butt chugging. This stuff made Meek Mill’s ham flower bloom.
Keogharita – Tequila. Triple Sec. Lime Juice. Pour into a bathtub and slurp the liquid as it flows into the drain. They say tequila’s an upper, but that isn’t the only thing going up after drinking this. Be careful not to consume too close to a graveyard.
Ippei Mizuhara Midori Sour – Midori. Vodka. Lemon Juice. Lime Juice. Club Soda. Be sure to purchase ingredients using winnings from a bet that your boy had you place on your DraftKings account for him since he ran out of credits. Drop into a Sapporo to make an Ohtani Bomb.
You sure know how to live the high life