Top 10 Things Better Than a Gideon's Bible to Find in a Hotel Nightstand Drawer/ Wanderlust

Wanderlust- a strong desire to travel

Ex: Top 10 things better than a Gideon’s Bible to find in a hotel nightstand drawer. If your wanderlust has brought you to a hotel/motel/Holiday Inn this summer, maybe you’ll get lucky and find one of these in your room!

10) The Playbook by Barney Stinson. You’re in an unfamiliar city for a night, so why not find out some cool ways to lie to women in an effort to get them to come back to your Red Roof Inn?

9) Someone Else’s Wallet. Low on cash? No idea how you’re going to pay off your credit card bill at the end of your trip? Defaulting on all your payments? With the money taken from Someone Else’s Wallet, those concerns fly out the window that you can only open a couple inches to prevent people from jumping, which you definitely were not considering before you found Someone Else’s Wallet. Is that a Dave & Buster’s card? We’re going to get lit tonight!

8) A Can of Pringles. Sure, the Bible has its fair share of miracles, but have you ever put two Pringles in your mouth to make it look like you have duck lips? That’s a snacking engineering miracle that puts splitting the Red Sea to shame! Don’t try to speak with these in your mouth though, or you might end up with Moses’ speech impediment (t-t-t-today, Pharaoh).

7) Mad Libs. When was the last time you played Mad Libs? Do they even sell them anymore? Bonus points if this is already half-filled out so that you can find solace in the fact that whoever was playing it first also fills in all the blanks with potty words.

6) Ominous Address and Phone Number on Piece of Note Paper. Worried about your trip being lame and boring? Get ready to embark on a wild goose chase that’ll lead you to either a) sudden death, b) a dark-web drug dealer, c) a terrorist plot to steal the Declaration of Independence, or d) the in-laws of whoever stayed in the room before you. Not sure which option is scariest.

5) Loose Pill. Is it an acid reducer, or is it just plain old acid? Consume the Loose Mystery Pill and find out for yourself! Either you’ll be slugging beers and vodka lemonades with no reflux repercussions, or you’ll be seeing sentences forming on the brown and yellow striped wallpaper for the next eight hours. Consider it a win-win.

4) The Holy Grail. Countless explorers, one History professor at Yale, and a band of silly medieval knights have been searching for this sacred drinking gourd for generations. Could you believe that The Holy Grail had been sitting in a dingy bedside table at the Mohel’s Tip of the Cape Motel all along!? Go sit in the sunshine, enjoying your eternal youth, no longer fearing the wrinkling properties of the Sun.

3) Banana Laffy Taffy. Listen, it may be far and away the most controversial of the laffy taffy flavors thanks to its artificial banana taste, but it’s still a free laffy taffy, and you’re still a man child with a sweet tooth and no self-control, so this is a pretty sick find.

2) Extra Small Condoms. With your newly acquired Extra Small Condoms, you have successfully avoided the pain of having to make eye contact with the cashier at a CVS when you buy a pack of these.

1) A Picture of The Top of Your Head From When You Were Taking a Dump 3 Hours Ago. Wait, what!? How did they get this? Is there a camera in the bathroom? Also, who snuck into the room and put this here? So many questions, so few answers. I really should look into that Hims prescription. There’s no bible in here but I’m sure this is breaking at least a couple commandments.