Surreptitious, Poltroon

Surreptitious- done with stealth in order to avoid being seen

Ex: I remember back in my chubby youngster days I would engage in surreptitious missions to rescue frosted animal crackers from their captivity in the zoo-like enclosures of the kitchen cabinets in order to set them free so they could be reunited with someone who truly cared about their well-being: me. I’m making this sound more noble than it was. In actuality, I darted past my mom carrying handfuls of the cookies in order to bring them up to my room where I could binge eat them in secrecy while playing Lego Star Wars on the PS2.

Poltroon- a total coward

Ex: Was Freddy going to attempt the blazin’ wings challenge at Buffalo Wild Wings? You bet your ass Freddy was going to attempt the blazin’ wings challenge at Buffalo Wild Wings! Did he look like some kind of poltroon? *Cut to, 3 hours later. Freddy looking defeated, hunched over in a porcelain bath tub filled with milk* *Enter, stage right, Freddy’s boy Rahim. Rahim is holding an enema filled with warm milk* “Freddy, lean over and repeat after me, ‘I am the king of B-dubs’ ‘I am the king of B-dubs’ ‘I am the king of B-dubs’ ‘I AM THE KING OF B-DUBS!!!!!!’” *Freddy repeats the mantra over and over as Rahim gives the turkey baster a firm squeeze, as if he were relieving the tumid udder of a dairy cow, sending a blast of lactose up Freddy’s steaming exhaust pipe* Tune in for more episodes of Freddy and Rahim, Sundays at 7/8 central on VICE.