Sunday Story- Surly

Surly- bad tempered and unfriendly

Ex: The surly waitress at the Korean Barbeque restaurant impatiently demanded our orders almost as soon as we sat down at the table.

“What you want!?” She yelled.

“Just give us one minute, we’re still deciding” I answered.

“Okay, I come back in one minute. You better be ready”

Typically, when waiters say this, they don’t actually mean one minute. But the ultimatum sounded sincerer coming from this particularly shrill server.

I had just finished scanning through all the marinated beef bulgogi options, and was working my way towards the sliced hot pot meats section, when she returned with a scowl on her face.

“Okay, I give you a minute. You finally ready? Or does Brooks Brothers need more time?”

Oof. That one stung. Brooks Brothers is a nice brand, but there’s something about being identified by a single piece of clothing or personal characteristic that just feels so belittling, especially when it rolls off the forked tongue of a coldblooded monitor lizard type woman. I wasn’t going to just sit there and take that type of disrespect.

I fired back with, “As a matter of fact yes, brooks brothers limited fall collection 2019 does need more time.”

Fuck. That one sounded better in my head. It almost certainly made me seem like an even bigger tool. She had me on the back foot, and I lost my composure.

“Oh my god, you so cool! White boy with money, oh I’m so jealoussss” She responded sarcastically. “Final warning. I give you thirty more seconds. If you not ready, I order for you.”

“No, uh, what? Okay, I just need a moment to think!” I stammered.

She left the table and went to check in on another party that just arrived.

I was sweating, so I sprinted to the bathroom, ripped off my Brooks Brothers sweater, and dabbed my forehead with cold water.

As I left the bathroom, I saw her waiting by my table, smacking a pencil tauntingly against her notepad. I wasn’t even halfway back when she announced, at a volume loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear, “Oh look! It’s Brooks Brothers! But he get shy, he get self-conscious, he take off Brooks Brothers sweater. He fall victim to mind games. He weakkkkk. Everybody look at the weak man!”

I went red with embarrassment. I made it back to my table and told her to, “Just wait! I’ll give you my order in one second. Just please, no more of this.” I was now getting choked up, fighting back tears. “Just let me *sniffles* take a look at the hot pot section. Okay?”

She put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing.

“Oh my god. Are you about to cry? Is Brooks Brothers about to break down like little baby right now?”

She turned towards the maître d and called for him to, “Grab some milk and mushed up sweet potato and peas from the back. Baby is getting hungry over here!”

I grabbed her shirtsleeve and pleaded with her, through teary eyes, to, “Make this stop. I think I know what I want now.”

“Okay baby, use your words!”

“I’ll have the sesame grilled beef galbi. And a side of kimchi. That’s all.”

She scribbled down a note and then turned to face the rest of the restaurant.

“ONE GRILLED BEEF GALBI AND A SIDE OF KIMCHI FOR BITCH BOY! BRING HIGH CHAIR TOO! ALSO PAMPERS, CHO YOUNG PARK, GO PICK UP PAMPERS FROM TARGET FOR BROOKS BROTHERS BABY BITCH BOY HERE!”

I gave a fake smile and polite wave to the onlookers, but was crushed on the inside. When the waitress eventually returned with my order, she saw me laying lifeless, face down on the gas grill built into the table, skin all charred to a crisp.

She surveyed the scene and casually reported back to Cho Young Park, “Cho Young, It happen again. Get metal scraper and double size trash bag. Put him in back with the others.”

Cho Young Park peeled my body off of the grill and scooped me into the hefty bag. The other diners seemed not to notice. Or if they did, they certainly didn’t care a great deal about what they were witnessing. Cho Young dragged the bag through the swinging doors into the back room. He threw the Brooks Brothers sweater onto a massive pile of Brooks Brothers sweaters, and set the bag to rest in the only available corner of a separate room filled to the brim with identical bags.