Sunday Story- Philistine

Philistine- a person who has disdain for, or no interest in, culture and the arts

Ex: “I’m never bringing that philistine to the MoMA ever again! He was too busy playing fruit ninja on his phone to even admire any of the artwork! Get this, when we walked into the Van Gogh exhibit he simply glanced up at the painting and said “yea, yea, there’s stars, it’s night time, I get it, I fucking get it”. He further disturbed the peace in the room when he placed a phone call to his bookie, who he passionately shouted at to, “Put down 600 on Rams money line, no, I don’t care that Sam Bradford is injured! It’s probably better that they have a backup in instead of that bum anyways!”. Here’s where it gets even crazier, though. Amongst the disgruntled patrons in the crowd was an athletic looking man with brown curly hair seated in a wheelchair, who, upon hearing this phone conversation, kicked his wheelchair into third gear and began making a b-line straight for the philistine’s shins! It turned out that the cripple was avid art consumer Sam Bradford, and he was not about to be disrespected, not least in front of his favorite post-impressionist painter. As Bradford sped towards him he yelled out, “prepare to meet your doom, for I am the ominous Oklahoman, the sadistic pigskin slinging shaman from the netherworld, the gridiron ghoul! MWAHAHAHAHAHA” as he clattered into him with great force, sending him flying into the wall on the other side of the exhibit. Visibly maimed and grimacing in pain, the philistine slowly lifted his phone to his ear and through his teeth said, “Yo, cancel that Rams bet. I’ve had a change of heart.”. And you want to know the funniest thing? Amidst all of this chaos there was a planned demonstration by a group of patients from the local outpatient mental health clinic who were upset with the standard of care at their facility, and they, altogether, on the count of three, sliced off their left ears in some sort of mentally disturbed tribute to Van Gogh. Everyone was too consumed with the Sam Bradford kamikaze wheelchair antics to even notice! All of the mentally ill protestors were left even more incensed, except for one under-medicated schizophrenic who recognized Sam Bradford and had him sign his amputated ear!”