Sunday Story- Fastidious

Fastidious- very concerned with accuracy and detail

Ex: She left no stone unturned in her fastidious research into the best Thai restaurants in the city. She cross-referenced Google, Yelp, OpenTable, and Resy reviews to make she had considered every goose and gander who felt strongly enough to make a post either commending, or tearing down, any of the restaurants on her list. Cross referencing was vital.

Exhibit A: BambooShootPlaya1987 left a yelp review for the Pad Pad claiming that the drunken noodles “slapped, on god”, while BangCockaDoodleDandy66 was all up on google reviews talking about how those same drunken noodles, “felt like they were trying too hard. They were coming on to me too strong”, whatever that meant. Across town at the Spring Rolling Hills, TomYumTraumaDumper2002 left a comment on Resy stating that the, “Chicken satay was off the chain, y’all!”, while BangCockaDoodleDandy66 was back on google reviews preaching, “That chicken satay was giving me the eyes! But I’m a faithful man, so I didn’t so much as TOUCH those chicken sticks”. Now she was intrigued. Just who was this BangCockaDoodleDandy66 and how was he getting these types of vibes from his meals?

So, she clicked on his google reviews profile.

His bio read, “Yea, I might like a chicken, but I’d never LOVE a chicken, you feel me? #Freebird”

Weird. It seemed odd for someone to have to announce that they’d never LOVE a chicken. It seemed like a blatant admission of guilt. That he HAD pounded some poultry in the past, and we’re not talking about making chicken cutlets. So she clicked a few more links, eventually made it onto his Facebook, and scrolled back to the start of his timeline. There was nothing. Well, there might have been something, but he had erased it at some point. There is, however, one spot where all embarrassing pictures seem to always end up: tagged photos. She scrolled through years and years of pictures of currys and seafood soups and stopped abruptly. There it was. A #throwbackthursday posted by one of his friends. In the picture, a young, dapper BangCockaDoodleDandy66 (true identity has been shielded for obvious reasons) was in the middle of a high school prom dancefloor. All around him were young men in tuxedos holding their dates’ hips awkwardly as they slow-danced to “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”. And there, smack dap right there in the center was BangCockaDoodleDandy66, bent over, with his hands gripping, dwarfing actually, the tiny little talons of a petite Cornish game hen wearing a tiara and a yellow evening gown.

Legend has it him and that chicken had the time of their young lives that night. And from those passionate moments of our youth come some of our most brilliant, and brilliantly regrettable memories. As for BangCockaDoodleDandy66, he never could quite outrun that tall tale of him and the hen, but by god if he didn’t think about that sweet white meat whenever those opening chords hit and Steven Tyler started singing, “I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing…”