Redress/ Wipewitaleaf Part 4
The trip to Wipewitaleaf Part 4
Redress- to correct; to set right; to rectify
Ex: The students were whisked awake by rooster calls around the first light of morning. It was a chilly autumn day in upstate Connecticut. The frigid bite of an imminent winter made escape from underneath the heavy wool blankets a difficult, drawn out process. Further discouraging their transition from the world of slumber to the realm of the waking was the news that they would be embarking on a many mile long ruck to the top of Wipewitaleaf Hill for some chakra aligning yoga with a smelly dreadlocked woman named Eucalyptia.
The Tokton kids trudged over to the mess hall for a quick breakfast of free-range organic eggs laid by the sisters of the roosters that woke them up. The orange hue of the yolk surprised many of the students who had only ever eaten Stop & Shop brand eggs harvested from hens in cramped dairy farm conditions. “Orange you glad the yolk isn’t yellow?” joked Eric as he nudged Rosie’s shoulder. Rosie picked up her tray and moved to a different table. “Suit yourself, Rosie! You don’t know what you’re missing! I’m a whole lotta man. I’m a dying breed. They don’t make ‘em like me anymore, baby!” He called out to her as he pulled on a pair of fingerless gloves and realigned the Pirates of the Caribbean logo on his beanie. Rosie was seated next to Mirko at her new table. She turned to him to offer some pleasantries, but caught her words in her mouth as she noticed Mirko hurriedly scrambling up what looked to be an egg yolk swastika that he had carved with his knife. “You see nothing” threatened Mirko, the tip of his knife pointed in Rosie’s direction.
Everyone cleared off their plates into the compost bins, tied their Merrell hiking boots, and zipped up their puffy down jackets in preparation for the ruck. Eucalyptia swung open the mess hall double doors and offered up a, “salutations, my lovely saplings.” She was wearing a type of coarse rain jacket made up of quilted together Burt’s Bees labels. One of the dad chaperones thought he saw Eucalyptia breaking up an Albino Penis Envy shroom cap and placing the hallucinogenic particles in her tea mug. She motioned for everyone to follow after her and then retreated back through the double doors into the brittle Fall air.
They walked around the mess hall towards an oak tree with a trunk wide enough to house a family of 4, or a Mexican family of 7, with a plaque that read, “The path to Wipewitaleaf Hill. Dedicated to the late Wipewitaleaf chief Sand Anus and his brave hunting party that lost their lives after wiping with Poison Sumac. Heed these words: Identify thine leaves fore thy sphincter bleeds. 4 miles to Wipewitaleaf Summit.” Stepping through the trailhead was Cobra, a dead Turkey slung over each shoulder. “Hiya kids. Good luck on your hike. You should’ve seen the fight these fellers put up. The male went down pretty easily, but the female just didn’t want to give in, so I had to get in there with my tools to finish her off. Once you snap their wings, they can’t really fly away, so from there you can just pinpoint their vitals and just kind of go to town with your pocket knife. Looks like Thanksgiving came early!”.
Eucalyptia did her best to redress the negative energy exuding from Cobra, and to re-center the group’s chi. “Everyone join me in song as we venture through this mystical trail. As we pass through this lush canopy, I transform into a wood nymph, and you all into my fairy children. Kumbaya my Lord, Kumbaya…” A few children hesitantly joined Eucalyptia in song. One of the dads leaned into the ear of another chaperone and whispered, “These people are fucking crazy”.