Nettle- to irritate or annoy
Ex: “Is it your job to nettle me, Mario?”
“No sir, my job is to keep the servers up and running smoothly.”
“Then why, Mario, am I here right now, feeling nettled? Do you have some sort of pricker bush at your desk? Or are there stingers at the ends of your long, brown forearm hairs? What is it, Mario?”
“No, sir. There are no spiky plants here. And I’ll shave my arm hair, if that’s a concern of yours, boss.”
“Then why, Mario. WHY AM I BEING NETTLED?”
“I, I don’t know, boss. I can tell Rafael to get rid of some of his cactuses if that would help you feel bett…”
“MARIO! You imbecile! This is about the servers. The servers shut down, Mario! They are offline. Off. Not on. Zip. Zilch. Nada.”
*A switch goes off in Mario’s head as he turns to his computer, knocks a stack of papers of his desk, and starts typing furiously into a coding program*
“Find the bug, Mario. FIND IT!”
*Mario opens up his Redbull mini fridge, cracks open a zero sugar can, and chugs it in one gulp*
“I feel the nettles, Mario! They’re digging in deeper. OWWW! THEY’RE STINGING MARIO, THEY’RE STINGING! LIKE A THOUSAND TINY PAPERCUTS! MARIO! OH GOD, MARIO! IT’S UNBEARABLE! I CAN’T GO ON MUCH LONGER!”
*Mario types at hyper speed. His spacebar flies off of his keyboard, but he moves on, unflustered. He types line after line of code, pausing only to wipe the sweat from his brow. He types out one more line and then with an emphatic “click!” he finally relaxes and turns to face his boss*
“There. It’s fixed. The servers are back up. I don’t know how that happened. Somebody with periphery access must have tapped into the mainframe while I was on break.”
“Ahhhh. The nettles have been removed. The cuts are healing. The pain is subsiding. I feel…whole again. Alright, Mario, are we still on for 18 and then dinner at the clubhouse this Sunday? Remember, I’m buying!”
*Mario forces a grin*
“Yes…yes boss. I’ll see you Sunday.”
*Mario’s boss exits. Mario sniffles, whimpers, and then breaks down sobbing at his desk. Rafael enters from the left, cactus in hand.*
“Hey Mario, do you think this would look good next to my other cactus?”
“BAD TIME, RAFAEL. BAD. TIME.”
*Rafael puts his free hand and the hand holding the cactus up and backs away slowly*