More Filthy Encyclopedia, This Time With Top Tier Artwork
Since everyone has been making a big fuss about the use of AI artwork, I have decided to start drawing my own images to accompany these posts. Look at the table. See the placement of those legs? That’s called perspective, buddy. It’s how you make objects look three dimensional.
B
Bingo- A game that for some reason has been adopted almost exclusively by old-age homes. Older adults will routinely fight over the bingo boards they deem to be “luckier” than others. The sad reality of the situation is that no matter how lucky your bingo board is, there’s nothing lucky about your family caregivers no longer having the wherewithal to put up with your progressively worsening dementia symptoms, and sticking you in a home as a result. Wait a second, did the bingo leader just call out “incontinence”? If, so that means bingo, bingo, bingo! Look here, bingo leader, I just made bingo across the middle row with “increasing forgetfulness”, “confusion”, “agitation”, “personality changes”, “no longer recognizing your children” (the free space!) and, “incontinence”.
F
Free Stuff- Man do I like getting free shit. Moth-eaten dining room chairs left out on someone’s front yard for the taking? Score! A plastic bin full of books, most of them erotic novellas being discarded by some chronically lonely housewife? It’s my lucky day! A colonial poppet bearing the malevolent spirit of a slave who died of heat stroke harvesting sugarcane for the Dutch West Indies Company? As long as it’s free, I’ll take it! I like free stuff so much that sometimes I assume stuff is free when maybe it doesn’t seem that way to other people. A muffin from a grocery store bakery section—free, if you can eat if fast enough. The mobile ordering stand at a Chipotle—free, but it’s always a toss-up what you’re gonna get. If someone’s front door is left wide open, everything inside—free, free, free!
V
Violinists- The offspring of repressive tiger moms, violinists practice their craft at the expense of forming friendships and attending social gatherings in their youth. Violinists have their creativity and happiness whipped out of them by their abusive parents and teachers with the intended goal of getting them to attend some elite institution that will land them a high-paying job, a family, and the ability to repeat the process with their own unfortunate offspring. No no, Carnegie hall is not the goal, the goal is a consulting job at McKinsey. “I finally got the violinist to come to one of my parties, but she was only there to hand out business cards for her SAT tutoring service, what a sad, pathetic existence!”