Mephitic, Flummoxed

Mephitic- foul smelling; noxious

Ex: He went to go investigate the mephitic fumes emanating from the back of the crisper drawer in his refrigerator. He lifted up a cauliflower, brushed aside some zucchinis, and unearthed a plastic-wrapped bowl of cowboy caviar that had been festering there for months. I wrote this example just so I could make three claims about cowboy caviar: 1) Any genuine cowboy eating “cowboy caviar” is probably stationed at the Brokeback Ranch. 2) It could not be further from real caviar. The fact that it has caviar in its name is just ludicrous and frankly misleading. 3) Always make less cowboy caviar than you think you need. Trust me, if its placed on a table next to tortilla chips and any type of salsa or guacamole, its going to lay there untouched, and you’ll be forced to bring it back home with you and put it in your crisper cabinet far out of sight until the fucking smell hits you three months later and you’re reminded about why you haven’t been invited back to any dinner parties since.

Flummoxed- bewildered or perplexed

Ex: When she asked to see my phone, I had no choice other than to act flummoxed by TikTok’s algorithm. “I don’t know what’s going on over at corporate, but this just doesn’t make sense. I’m not interested in these types of women. I’m a brains guy honey, that’s why I’m with you! Oh, oof that came out wrong, but you know what I’m saying. I don’t need all those curves, just give me a nice well-read Puritan woman with a plain face, modest dress, and a desire to serve the lord. Can I get an amen!?”

*She scrolls to the next video. On the screen, there appears to be a massive Amazon woman using her gargantuan gazongas to suffocate a small Honduran man until he passes out from asphyxiation*

“Couch tonight?” I asked.

“Couch tonight” She responded.