Malinger

Malinger- to pretend illness to avoid work or responsibilities

Ex: Did I malinger last Tuesday because of the Elden Ring DLC release? Maybe. Did it cost my team the Manhasset account? Maybe. Do I regret my actions? Definitely not. You see, I have been malingering for years, and not once have I wished that I hadn’t. The first time I malingered was in the fourth grade when I convinced my mom that I was sick in order to stay home all day searching up, “hot naked babes” on google images, with safe search on, mind you. See, my friend and I had been conducting our own private experiments on which search terms yielded the hottest girls on my dell desktop monitor. “Chicks” was decent, but it kind of filtered out the MILFs, and at that age we were definitely into MILFS. Maybe because those were the only women who ever kissed us before bedtime. “Girls” was lame, basic, and almost never resulted in any true dime pieces. But babes, specifically “hot naked soccer babes”, resulted in something that safe search couldn’t yet detect: body paint. I spent about four hours looking at babes painted in the colors of the Brazilian flag that morning while my classmates sat at their desks learning the past tense of Hebrew verbs and the Japanese Carp Day song. If you ever get a chance to malinger, you should do it, just make sure you’ve got your search terms locked and loaded beforehand.