Limerence- A state of unhealthy one-sided obsession with the subject of one’s affection
Ex: Are you desperately trying to woo someone, a coworker or barista you make frequent eye-contact with, perchance? Suffering from a bout of limerence that would make even the weirdo from You feel disgust from the driver’s seat of his Prius as he crawls silently under 5 miles per hour past the house of a female target he has been scoping out? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Yup, you guessed it. This is the Filthy Easy Guide to Which Flowers to Give to Someone You are Stalking in Order to Win Them Over! We are working tirelessly over here to refine the title, which is currently more of a mouthful than Joey Chestnut would be comfortable with.
Tradescantia, The Wandering Jew: I recently found out this was the actual name of a plant. Can you believe it? Get this one for the busty German Oktoberfest waitress who smiled at you that one time when you ordered a pretzel. She’ll fall into your arms quicker than you can say lederhosen.
Here’s some history on the origins of the plant’s name from bloomboxusa.com:
“further research revealed ‘Wandering Jew’ to be connected to an apocryphal myth, one that has been used to justify anti-Semitism since at least the 13th century.
The story goes that one of the men who taunted Jesus on his way to be crucified was cursed to walk the Earth until the Second Coming.”
Every time she looks at the tradescantia, she’ll be reminded of both the blood libel and the Jewish diaspora. How much more romantic can it get?
Crysanthemum: Mums are most definitely for mums. Give a mum to a hot single mum whose fiery passion has been on display at all the PTO meetings at the middle school which your imaginary child does not attend but you find yourself frequenting because where else are you going to meet someone who doesn’t think they need a rich, irresponsible step-father to help parent their routinely picked-on, acne-covered son, but you’ve read a particular Nick Hornby novel and you think otherwise?
Sunflower: Give this one to the girl with the bell bottom jeans and the vegan flax top who brushed against your elbow on her way to the front row of the Twiddle show at last year’s Levitate Music Festival. She reeked of BO and her armpit hair was longer than yours, but something about her free-spirit, hippie-dippie vibe drew you to her like a moth to the flame. Odds are she’s already sleeping with the horrendously disfigured rotten potato of a drummer in exchange for free tickets and mind-altering substances, but it’s worth a shot.