Lagniappe

Oct 07, 2024

A sleazy corporate boss handing out holiday gifts to his employees in an office setting. The boss has a smug expression, slicked-back hair, wearing an expensive suit and flashy jewelry. He is giving out cheap-looking gifts, like mugs or pens, wrapped in plain, crinkled paper. Among the employees, one is on crutches and another is visibly pregnant, both dressed in business casual attire. The employees look unenthusiastic, with forced smiles, highlighting the awkward atmosphere. The office has minimal holiday decorations, like a small artificial Christmas tree and sparse tinsel. Realistic style, well-lit office, capturing the uncomfortable tension in the room.

Lagniappe- something given as a bonus or extra gift

Ex: A tactfully selected employee holiday lagniappe can exculpate a boss from any sort of workplace misbehavior. Here’s a list of specific gifts and the types of corporate crimes they may help cover up:

Lindt Chocolate Truffles Variety Pack: Give these to pregnant Linda in HR and she won’t press charges against you for refusing to grant her maternity leave. Some things are more important than forming a secure bond with your firstborn baby during the critical days and weeks following childbirth. And by “some things”, I mean manning the merchandise booth at the company pickle ball tournament in January. Those visors ain’t gonna sell themselves! Thank goodness for pregnancy cravings.

Snow Globe From Your Trip to Norway: Nothing says thank you for your service quite like a souvenir from your gallivanting two-week European adventure placed in the hands of Michael, a struggling entry-level salesman who had to forego taking his vacation this year in order to make just enough to keep the heat on for the winter in his studio apartment. He was up for a promotion at the beginning of the quarter, but you thought granting him one would ruin his work ethic. As he shakes the globe and little white flakes descend upon a Reindeer hopping through the O in Oslo, the painful memories of that near promotion are wiped from his mind.

Theragun Personal Massage Gun: Bonnie took quite the tumble off of that ladder in the stockroom back in September. But her workers-comp demands were just so unreasonable! 150k for spine surgery? Bonnie, you’re a minimum-wage employee. You’ll never see that type of money in your lifetime! Since her back hurts, you tell her to try out this brand new theragun. If she just holds the gun on the multiple spinal fracture sites, it should kick-start the healing process. If not, well at least she’s got a cool gadget that she otherwise couldn’t have afforded.

Coupon Redeemable for One Free Drink From the Vending Machine: On a Wednesday in October you sped into your reserved parking space at 11:45 following a boozy brunch with the other c-suite execs. Chris was in the parking lot, looking down at his phone- the security cameras will corroborate this (or so you claim)- and you maybe just happened to run him over. But just like a little love tap, it’s not like he was run over, run over and his guts spilled out or anything like that. Regardless, Chris has been limping around the office on crutches bitching to the other employees about his bum ankle, so you figure some attempt at reconciliation must be made. You hear he’s a diet coke man, so how does a Coupon Redeemable for One Free Drink From the Vending Machine sound?