Kummerspeck, Calumny

Kummerspeck- the weight a person gains when eating due to stress, grief, or unhappiness

Ex: “It’s just the Kummerspeck. You know, with the husband gone and all.” Said Helga to the trainer pinching the fat from one of her love handles with a caliper. The trainer had heard of bratwurst, knackwurst, and frankfurters, but this was new to him. He made a mental note to enquire about the Kummerspeck the next time he was at a Schnitzel Haus.

 Calumny- a defamation or misrepresentation intended to harm someone’s character

Ex: Principal Andrews concluded her speech with, “And please, please no more smelly biryanis in the break room fridge. I’m looking at you, Becca. Maybe try bringing in something a little more…bland? Listen, Becca, we’re not fools here. We’ve seen you out at Pakora Paradise courting that muscular Punjabi bartender. He gives you a little doggie bag to take home, you give him a little, ehh emm, something else, we know the deal. Your secret is safe with us. But we just wanted to let you know, that we know, you feel me?” “That’s calumny and you know it!” shouted Becca as she rose out of her seat on the other side of the long conference table. Principal Andrews made a ‘calm down’ gesture and said, “Becca, please.” A high-pitched squeal from the other end of the table turned everyone’s heads, “Yea, Becca, I saw you getting spoon-fed aloo gobi on Tuesday night as you stared deep into his big brown eyes and braided his beard hairs together, SLUT!” piped the pipsqueak vice-principal Preston. “PRESTON! You speak when you’re spoken to! Now get back over here and shut up!” barked Principal Andrews as she yanked on the metal chain underneath the table that connected to a spiky dog collar on vice-principal Preston’s neck. Preston got down on all fours and crawled over to Principal Andrews’ seat. She stroked his hair and scratched behind his ear. “Good boy” she whispered in his ear.