Ice Cream Extravaganza Part 2: Graft
“Ice Cream Truck”- Aline Flora style
Graft- to attach something to something else; to join together
The Filthy Easy Vocab Summer 2024 OFFICIAL Ice cream truck ice cream extravaganza, part 2! Where I, Samuel Clemenstein, graft an aspect of your personality to your choice in ice cream. Here we go!
Heath Ice Cream Bar: You look like Susan Boyle with George Washington’s horse tooth dentures. You like to read The New York Times to inform yourself of the plight of minorities in this country while you yourself live in an all-white gated community and refuse to go downtown.
Red White and Blue Bomb Pop: There’s no Confederate flag bomb pop, so this will have to do.
Banana Fudge Bomb Pop: You are in the closet.
Jolly Rancher Bomb Pop: You used to be in the closet.
Watermelon Bomb Pop: You have been surgically altered to look like a lizard.
Vanilla Ice Cream Bar: You have attempted to kill yourself within the calendar year.
Blue Bunny Cookie Dough Cup: Your life isn’t all it was propped up to be when you were the biggest guy on your freshman football team. You do insurance sales in a small office in your hometown and got a DUI driving back from your company holiday party.
Blue Bunny Chocolate Malt Cup: Your son had so much potential as the star quarterback on his high school freshman team, now he has to blow into a breathalyzer before he goes to TJ Maxx to pick out button downs for his menial insurance job.
Blue Bunny Double Lemon Chill Cup: Your husband used to throw around the pigskin with your son in the backyard after school every day. How could you both have failed this badly as parents? For the last time, NO we will not be shelling out to cover the legal fees.
Scribblers: You are in remedial math classes. They have yet to address your ADHD and properly treat it with stimulants.
Cotton Candy Bar: You wear a tutu to the roller rink and pirouette to the tune of Cher’s “Believe”.
Watermelon Whirl Bar: You don’t exist. Nobody orders this bullshit.
Flintstones Push Up: You like sherbet. Which is okay with me, if it’s okay with you. I won’t call you a pussy, but somebody else might.
Klondike Bar: You would do unspeakable things for this wouldn’t you, you sick fuck.
Cherry Two-Ball Screwball: You are Italian, by way of New Jersey. You think this qualifies as Italian Ice, you low class stunod.
Blue Raspberry Two-Ball Screwball: Your father is in the waste management business, or so he tells you.
Vanilla Big Dipper: You are substituting cocktails for ice cream in an effort to pull yourself out of an alcoholic abyss.
Chocolate Big Dipper: Same as above except you are weening yourself off of brown liquor instead of vodka.
Rum Raisin Big Dipper: You haven’t checked in with your sponsor in weeks. You are dangerously close to falling off the wagon. Just kidding, this doesn’t exist. It would be funny, though!