Ice Cream Extravaganza Part 1: Exhort
“Ice Cream Truck” - Pixel World style
Exhort- to persuade; to urge by strong argument
Welcome to the Filthy Easy Vocab Summer 2024 OFFICIAL Ice cream truck ice cream extravaganza (part 1)! In this list, I will exhort you to steer clear of certain frozen treats, while also introducing you to the wonders of some hidden gems of the mobile ice cream scene.
Without further a-doo-doo, here is what every ice cream truck offering says about YOU.
The Original. The Ice Cream Sandwich: The level of repression you have experienced throughout your childhood is palpable and concerning. CPS should have extracted you from your broken home when they had the chance.
Big Ice Cream Sandwich: Same as above, but you’re also a fat guy.
Big Mississippi Mud Sandwich: Same as above, but you also have an extra chromosome.
SpongeBob Squarepants Popsicle: The guy driving the truck has already identified you as his main target. At least when he has you shirtless and detained in that shipping container down by the docks, you’ll have the two stale gum eyeballs to chew on (for 5 seconds before they lose their flavor).
Fudgesicle: You’re on your day off from working as a historical actor at Old Sturbridge Village.
Creamsicle: You’re on your day off from working as a historical actor at The Jefferson Plantation.
Classic Snow Cone: It’s very hot outside and Friends is your favorite TV show.
Sour Tear Jerker Snow Cone: It’s very hot outside, Friends is still your favorite TV show, but you’re into sadomasochism.
Oreo Bar: You’re actually a pretty chill dude.
Oreo Cookie Sandwich: You think you’re chill but every one of your “friend groups” has a separate group chat that you’re not included in where they talk about you behind your back.
Lemon-Lime Popsicle Shots: You have herpes sores on your genitalia.
Super Sour Fruit Popsicle Shots: You have herpes but you don’t tell anyone before consummating.
Choco Taco: You wake up to find your grandmother asleep on the couch with The George Lopez Show playing. You kiss her on the forehead and whisper in her ear, “Things will get better, abuela, I promise. I’ll get you that medication.” Before you head off to your job as a line cook at a TGI Fridays.
Dora the Explorer Popsicle: Your dad dropped you off at school before going to his job at TGI Fridays.
Snickers Ice Cream Bar: You love Snickers way too much, you fat bastard you!
Twix Ice Cream Bar: Are you here with the Snickers guy? There’s an Ozempic truck down the block that I think you should visit.
Chipwich: I have nothing bad to say about you. Your own insecurities haunt you enough.
Chocolate Éclair Bar: Your idea of a fun weekend is going to the train station and watching the different models fly by.
Strawberry Shortcake Bar: Your aspergian husband dragged you to look at trains on a gorgeous Saturday in June.
Toasted Almond Bar: You just spotted your friend Larry and his wife eating ice cream on the other side of the tracks. You give him a wave and ask him if he’s seen any notable Acela models.