Duplicity

Duplicity- deceitfulness; deception

Ex: I can’t believe it. I was conned by Skechers Shape Ups’ duplicitous claim that by simply wearing their shoe, my muffin top and love handles would disappear. Poof! Just like that! No exercise required. Instead, all the shoe did was make me look not just fat, but also like a complete doofus. The affirmatory head nods from porky moms that were also donning the see-saw shape soles was a weak consolation. Was I actually doing cardio in the shoes? Let’s not get into the weeds. The bottom line is, I didn’t drop an ounce. If anything, I put on a few el b’s (that’s pounds, baby). Skechers said the shoes could tone muscle, specifically the glutes and hammies. I thought I was destined for a Kim Kardashian level ass! Alas, my dreams of that ass have since passed. Let’s see how the big wigs at Skechers feel when I shimmy my wide child birthing hips through their glass doors and present my lardy sack of a body to the R&D team and tell them, “SHAPE UPS DID THIS TO ME! YOU DID THIS TO ME! LOOK AT THE MONSTER YOU’VE CREATED! DON’T YOU LOOK AWAY NOW, DERRICK! ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES, DERRICK!”