Doohickey

Doohickey- a small object or gadget whose name you have forgotten

Ex: Got any home improvement projects going on this Summer? Use this useful list to better explain the names of doohickeys that you’ll need your son/indentured servant/helpful yet annoying neighbor to grab for you from the tool rack in your garage:

Leafblower: The sucky sucky blowy blowy thing that you wear on your back like the proton pack from Ghostbusters.

Screwdriver (Phillip’s head): The handheld pinwheel pusher thing with the diamond top. You know what I’m talking about! (Now open palm slap whoever it is you are talking to).

Screwdriver (flat-top): The handheld pinwheel pusher thing with the skinny top. You know what I’m talking about! (Now backhand slap whoever it is you are talking to).

Allen Key: The post-op Alicia Keys! Like what Swizz Beats his meat to ever since hard right Christian conversion therapy backfired and he tumbled out of that closet like a tall stack of cable knit wool sweaters.

Wrench: The only wench on these premises that isn’t your birth-giver! You know, the one used to turn a screw! No! Not the 1898 horror novella by Henry James with a very similar name! What? No, I haven’t seen the film adaptation, 1961’s The Innocents. Wait, the screenplay was written by Truman Capote? (Now force your son to unscrew everything while you take a much deserved 100-minute-long break).

Flashlight: Like a fleshlight but it shines a bright white light that helps you see in the dark.

Hammer: If I had this, I would something in the mornnninnnggg, I’d something in the eveninnnggg all over this landdddd. It’s not a bell, and it sure as hell isn’t a song to sing, but it’s…it’s the third thing! It’s the something of justice, It’s the something of freeedddommm!

Hand Saw: Serrated tree knife. Cuts through Douglas fir like crusty French bread. Tool used by serial killers who like to really savor their kills. Movie series where a clown puppet thing instructs people to inflict severe pain on themselves by sitting through late-game Mets bullpen collapses.

Magnetic Stud Finder: Echolocation device that leads you to muscular 6’6 hunks.

Rubber Mallet: The thing mom uses on my balls after I complain about her ‘dull’ green bean casserole. No, not the red Prada heels. No, not the meat tenderizer. “He’s talking about the rubber mallet” chimes in helpful yet annoying neighbor Fred. Wait a second…how does he know about the mallet?