Dilatory- slow to act
Ex: Here’s a recap of all the small-talk that I attempted to make with the EMTs in the back of the ambulance as I was being rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery to extract a bullet out of my spleen. To put things into perspective, these EMTs were dilatory, and the ride to the hospital was over fifteen minutes long, so somebody had to fill the dead air. As they loaded my stretcher into position in the back of the van and applied pressure to my bleeding gut with a heavy gauze padding I offered up a, “you should have seen the other guy!”. A classic post-altercation joke. Nothing too flashy, but certainly a crowd pleaser. Crickets. Seriously, not even one person chuckled at that? I thought maybe there was a chance they didn’t get it, so I attempted to explain what exactly was humorous about that bit. “You see, that’s funny because I shot myself in my own spleen on a failed quick draw during my duel with Cardboard Vader in the backyard. Vader was totally unharmed!” Still nothing. Alright, I thought, time to bring out the big guns, pun intended. “You see Cardboard Vader didn’t even have a blaster, so the only way he could have inflicted this wound would have been through deflecting my pistol round with his lightsaber. HAHA! But you all know that. You, with the military boots, unwashed ponytail, and thin pedo mustache, you know that.” The EMT holding down the gauze, aka the subject of my last address, didn’t even look at me, but rather motioned for another EMT to bring over a replacement pad to sop up more of the blood. “Lighten up, guys! You look as if somebody died in here! But nobody has…yet!” Wow. Still nothing. One of the EMTs just said “relax” and calmly pushed my vibrating jazz hands back down by my side. “Hey, don’t I remember you?” I asked the EMT. “Yea, I totally do! You were in the back of the ambulance that picked me up after my wife caught me passed out, pants around the ankles, across the room from Cardboard Vader. That Cardboard Vader had a mean force choke! Man, those were the days. Those were the days!”
*The heart rate monitor flatlines in the background as the screen fades to black*