Brogue

Brogue- a stout oxford shoe with a leather upper and decorative perforations

Ex: A24 has picked up the rights to a The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants spin off titled The Brotherhood of the Bros in Brogues which follows a group of young urban professionals from the finance district in NYC who find a mysterious pair of brogues that magically fits each of their feet perfectly. As the bros depart the city for the summer to venture off on their respective venture capital internships around the country, they agree to share the brogues, with each member of the brotherhood allotted one week with the magical shoes.

Devin, a junior analyst at Goldman Sachs who is spending the summer in Charlotte, is the first bro to don the brown leather shoes. While rocking the trendy pair, Devin places a hail Mary of a 12 leg Russian tennis doubles parlay at 3am after a night of heavy boozing on Coronas and multiple unsuccessful attempts at wooing chicks with braggadocios statements about his old money family’s contributions to the tobacco industry in the 1800’s. The parlay hits and Devin is finally able to pay off the money he owes to Landon for their trip to Ibiza the winter prior.

Devin passes off the brogues to Kyle, a Morgan Stanley e-trading market risk manager who is in Tampa working for a crypto startup. After wearing the brogues to a company golf outing, Kyle receives an email that HR is throwing out his racial discrimination case, allowing him to breathe freely for the first time in months. He celebrates by deleting the black square from his Instagram page. When the time comes for Kyle to give the shoes to Brandon, Kyle refuses to part with the brogues.

Feeling a newfound, albeit misguided, sense of immunity when rocking the kicks, Kyle decides to test the limits of the shoes’ mystic capabilities. He takes a hip hop dance class and purchases a du rag from the store. He starts calling people “cuh” and “twin”. He splurges on hydraulics for his Camry and pulls up to a basketball court with his Toyota bouncing to the tune of Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me”. He steps up to the court and daps up some guys waiting for their turn at the baseline. The dap is flawless. For once in his life he has not been caught between going for a simple high five or a full-on dap. He even mixes in a knuckle touch after the dap, like a G. He glances at his phone. 3 missed calls form Brandon. A voicemail about some DUI or something and how he needs the brogues, blah blah blah.

Kyle gets into the pickup game and starts to dazzle. He shakes and bakes and crosses a guy right out of his Jordan’s. He dunks for the first time in his life. Nobody even roasts his formal footwear. They even start to call him the White Mamba. Things are going great until he attempts a spin move and his toe busts through the leather upper of the brogues. Time stands still in that moment. The other team’s point guard, played by LaKeith Stanfield in a career defining role, snatches the du rag off of Kyle’s head and says, “You ain’t Like Mike, you’re just like white!”. Kyle’s world crumbles around him. He wishes he still had the black square on his Instagram page to prove to LaKeith that he is down with the movement. He pulls up Spotify and starts scrolling through his liked songs. “Look! Marvin Gaye, Aaliyah, Biggie, Kendrick Lamar, a whole playlist with just every recorded and live version of “Brown Sugar” by the Rolling Stones, does this mean nothing to you?!”. He pathetically reaches out for a dap but LaKeith just looks at his open hand and shakes his head. “Nah, homie. We’re not fucking with you, Kyle. I suggest you and those ‘welcome to HR Block, do you need help with your taxes?’ ass shoes scramble up on out of here”.

Kyle starts to hit the cupid shuffle, softly singing the lyrics, “now kick, now kick, now come on baby kick, now walk it by yourself, walk it by yourself” as he mechanically jives from side to side. “Everyone, join in with me!” he pleads to the rest of the group, who meet him with blank stares. LaKeith grabs his shoulder and tells him it’s time to go. He limps weakly off the court, the tip of his purple argyle sock sticking out of his left shoe. He checks his phone once more. Another voicemail from Brandon. “Bro, my dad says we can’t use the Montauk house for the fourth.” Kyle opens up his Camry and slumps down into the driver seat. “Brown Sugar” plays on the stereo as the credits roll.

Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields. Sold in the market down in New Orleans…