Bafflegab- incomprehensible or pretentious language
Ex: When restaurants have their menus written in bafflegab it ruins my appetite. Just tell me what I am eating in as plain, unadorned English as possible. I don’t appreciate ordering what I assume to be a grilled cheese and being served par-boiled iguana neck instead. If the ingredients themselves have mysterious names, just scrap them altogether! At Filthy Easy Tapas, the charcuterie board we serve is comprised of pizza combos sourced from the local Cumberland Farms, yogurt covered raisins foraged from the deepest, darkest crevices of the loveseat in my living room, a raw sheep’s milk cheese extracted from the teet of an ewe at the local petting zoo when nobody was looking, and exactly four plastic discs of pepperoni taken straight from a Lunchables container. We also don’t have any employees capable of making some cool chalk art on a blackboard outside our restaurant. I learned bubble letters in the second grade, but that’s it. Mike over here is like Emile from Ratatouille, the only thing he contributes is eating all of our on-the-verge-of-expiring dairy and meat products. And Daryl? He’s certified first-aid trained. You need to have one on your staff so the city doesn’t shut you down. A combo got lodged in a customer’s throat yesterday and Daryl popped it out with the Heimlich while I was shading in the Leprechaun’s hat below the “Tapas the morning to you!” sign out front.