Absquatulate- to leave abruptly
Ex: Absquatulating, otherwise known as an Irish goodbye, is a timeless method to get out of any party involving way too loud house music, a limited supply of alcohol, or anything having to do with Settlers of Catan (discussing it, playing it, etc…). I’ve come up with a few other exit strategies for you all to try next time you find yourself in a similar situation:
Polish goodbye: Make up a rumor that the host’s breath smells like Kielbasa. In the ensuing chaos, you depart swiftly into the night.
French goodbye: Attempt to rip a cigarette inside. Get kicked out, but remain unfazed, as you are French and nobody really wanted you there in the first place.
New Jersey goodbye: Announce to everyone that you just purchased a Sopranos box set and you promised to your uncle that you would get back home in time to watch it with him while eating Capicola.
Boston Irish goodbye: Tell everyone they are gay and that the party sucks and then exit loudly.
Canadian goodbye: Apologize to the host profusely before exiting.
Australian goodbye: Overstay your welcome. Leave the party the following morning.
Brooklyn (Williamsburg) goodbye: Open the host’s pantry and become audibly disgusted. Announce to him that you simply must go, for he or she does not purchase fair-trade coffee beans.
Brooklyn (Flatbush) goodbye: Leave with the five uninvited guests that you arrived with. Stop to take pictures flexing your cash on somebody else’s nice car in the driveway. Leave with as many catalytic converters as you all can carry.
Jewish goodbye: Complain about your allergies to the point where you become insufferable to be around and they kick you out.
Jamaican goodbye: Hotbox the party with enough weed to act as a smoke grenade. In the dense, dank precipitation, make your escape.
Irish goodbye (Covid times): Log off the zoom call.
Irish goodbye (Covid times, mandatory work party): Log off the zoom call, claim your internet is down.
Magician goodbye: Gather the partygoers, tell them that for your next trick you will make yourself disappear. Make good on that promise. Never reveal your methods.
Albanian goodbye: Get in a fistfight and then peel off in your wrapped BMW M3.