2028 Summer Olympics / Operose

Operose- involving much labor or effort

Ex: The Filthy Easy Vocab 2028 Summer Olympics Sport Selection Committee has just wrapped up their Summer convention. Atop their to-do list was the operose task of selecting some new sports to be included in the next iteration of the Summer games. Here are those sports:

Looting: As we draw nearer and nearer to complete societal collapse, it will become ever more important to be able to loot convenience stores in an efficient manner in order to acquire resources for your fallout bunker. Instead of a starting gun, this one begins with a spine-chilling warning blared over the PA system: “Unidentified flying objects have just touched down in two dozen major cities across the globe. Seek shelter immediately”. As the message ends, participants scramble to break through the windows of a faux-Walgreens and rush throughout the aisles to collect essential food and medicine. Scoring is based on a combination of speed, ruthlessness (say, dishing out a double corneal jabbing to another competitor who had their eyes on the Neosporin), and the quality of the goods you have amassed.

Women’s Gymnastics Without Simone Biles: After much deliberation, the committee has decided to separate women’s gymnastics into two competitions: One with Simone Biles, and one without Simone Biles. The Olympic Games were losing thousands of dollars by flying out gymnasts who had absolutely zero shot of winning gold in past versions of the games. In order to prevent this monetary loss, and to reduce the amount of forlorn, helpless looks on the faces of the other gymnasts, we have decided to give them their own gymnastics bracket where maybe they will get to know the sweet, sweet, taste of gold. In fact, scrap giving Simone Biles her own competition, just UPS-next-day-ship her a couple gold medals every four years.

Man and Chimp Motorcycle Racing: This one was an easy sell in the board room. Picture this: A fit man in a leather jacket and aviators riding atop a vintage motorcycle. A chimp with a helmet and goggles sitting in the sidecar next to him holding up a map of the course. The action in this one will be dynamic, nonstop, and ultimately calamitous. The chimp’s utter inability to read the map and to call out turns to the human driver will result in high-speed collisions into cobblestone corners of village bakeries and seamstress huts. For the first few moments of the race- likely just through the first straightaway- this will look spectacular. Man and chimp setting aside their differences for the common goal of speed. And the gold medal goes to…Layla, the eastern chimpanzee. Her human counterpart, Sven Cot-Offgard, unfortunately couldn’t make it to the podium, as his body is plastered to the outside of a monastery back near the starting line.

Human Torch: Why not make the opening ceremonies of The Games an opportunity to grab the first gold? Competitors start this one by dousing themselves in gasoline and lighting themselves on fire. They then attempt to complete a 400-meter sprint to the Olympic cauldron in the center of the stadium. The first athlete to throw themselves into the cauldron, lighting the Olympic Flame, will be rewarded with a posthumous gold medal for their country. Political statement optional. Hey, it was either this or pickleball.